This part is all about how to hold your own in a crowd. It seems like an appropriate topic as we approach the dreaded New Year’s Eve fetes. Even if you are not aiming to be the Prettiest Girl at the Ball, you don’t want to be invisible either. Not after all that hard work yanking on Spanx and glueing on fake eyelashes! Every bit of advice in this post can be applied to working a crowd at any gathering, including professional, with minor adjustments. Being looked at by every man in the room isn’t worth a thing if you don’t look approachable. Janine Driver, a body language expert, says that 65-90% of every conversation is interpreted through body language. The words coming out of your mouth can be rendered meaningless if something about your stance or expression says something completely different. Your goal should be to create a favorable impression overall, and if you’re lucky you’ll have the opportunity to meet some new people, and possibly even start a little intrigue for the new year!
1. Introduction
2. Arriving
• Make an entrance. It really is better to arrive when an event is already well populated. • Walk into the room standing tall, a smile on your face, welcoming the opportunity to connect with others. • Don’t allow any social anxiety to settle into a rigid or tense facial expression. A reader on the last thread aptly described this as “bitchface.” That is the last message you want to send, but discomfort often manifests itself in just this way.
3. Getting Your Bearings
• Don’t stand around in a group of women for very long. One male reader has described how impossible it is to penetrate a “wagon wheel” formation of women. If you came with a group, be sure to wander off and do your own thing from time to time. • Place yourself at or near the center of the room, and move around a bit. • Ms. Driver’s Worst Places to be Seen: 1. Sitting at a table 2. Hanging near a wall 3. Hovering around the bar • Make a point of gazing around the room from time to time. Observe others, as well as your surroundings. Make eye contact where appropriate. • Don’t fidget. It will make you look bored, and like you wish you could leave. Take a deep breath.
4. Hitting Your Stride
• When you’re feeling at loose ends, gravitate to a window. Don’t feel self-conscious about standing and people-watching for a few minutes. You’ll appear approachable and confident. No one will think you’re awkward or lame. • Keep your mouth soft and smile readily at those you engage, even for a moment. • Don’t avert your eyes or seem clueless as to what’s going on around you. Accept that you are part of a group celebrating an occasion, and welcome the opportunity to be outside your intimate circle and meet new people. • Hold a drink, but pace yourself. Handbags are always awkward, especially clutches, which must be held with your only free hand. If you can stash a few essentials for the evening nearby without holding them, you will look and feel a lot less awkward.
5. Being in the Zone
• Don’t cross your arms. Adopt an open stance. Women are more approachable and feminine looking with feet six inches or less apart. • Fix your attention on any person you speak with, and maintain eye contact. It’s very off-putting to observe someone’s eyes darting nervously around the room, or to see them respond to peripheral cues, as if at any moment they might perceive a more rewarding social opportunity. • Don’t rush through conversations. Use the person’s name if you can when replying. It is fine to graciously excuse yourself and move along after chatting for a couple of minutes. • Conversely, do not monopolize any individual, no matter how attractive you find them. • Graciously make introductions. • Don’t try to pre-qualify people. Where did you go to college? What do you do? Is that tux rented? These are all poor ways of starting a conversation. Better options include asking how they know the host, if they’re from the area orginally, etc. No questions that require one word answers! • If you wind up speaking with someone you find attractive, look at their lips from time to time. It’s a cue for sexual interest.
6. Winding Down
• If you met a stranger you think is hot, make a move. Tell him you enjoyed meeting him, and hand him your number. What do you have to lose? • Suggest a late night gathering if you can host one – perhaps eggs or pancakes in the early hours. People enjoy kicking off their shoes and getting comfortable (and fed) after a big bash.